Last Five Tory Leadership Candidates, Source: State of The Nation
Politics, UK

Clownfall, Then What? A Cynical Synopsis of Tory Leadership Race

So the clown has fallen! Sack of potatoes, aka Boris Johnson, has been forced to resign, although he is doing a great job digging in his heels — typical of a Tory politician. Clearly, other vultures have joined the Tory leadership race, and while we much enjoy the farce, we should also be wary that instead of Johnson, our lives will be screwed by someone else who will be at the helm of the Conservative party.

I have always believed that the Tory party has a tremendously successful supply chain — of supplying top-quality @rsehole MPs. I’m not sure where they source them from — whether they are born this way, the parents’ influence, or the grooming in private schools — it’s incredible how uniformly evil they are in their views of society. It might be easier to trust a snake if it stood in an election and promised to deliver something. On the other hand, a Tory candidate will not deliver it, split all the money amongst their mates, and then blame Jeremy Corbyn and the EU for not delivering their promise. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not comparing Tory politicians to snakes; I hate snakes, but they are less vile than any randomly chosen Tory politicians.

Yes, they are more dangerous than vipers, but the closest match I could think of between the Tory MPs and an animal is the chameleon — as both are adept at changing colours and take any guise to avoid confrontation. Take the example of the no-confidence vote on Boris Johnson that resulted in many Tory MPs abstaining from the vote. Yet, a few weeks later, they were in unison that the PM must go. If you are surprised how long it took to change their tune, they took days next time — between resigning from the cabinet supporting the resignation of Johnson to standing for the Tory leadership position. So here we are, eleven f@cking useless hypocrites fighting each other to replace another f@cking worthless hypocrite. We are spoilt for choice here.

Then, what is driving the leadership challenge? Is it an ideological debate? You couldn’t be much far off the correct reason. Most of the candidates have been part of Johnson’s cabinet and were quite happy to peddle his policies. So, what suddenly woke their conscience up, and they found it impossible to carry on? There is a one-word answer to that. It’s called greed. They found it untenable to maintain their long-term personal interest to remain an MP and leech the system off every penny they could — whether it’s the £840 wallpaper or 25p bottle of milk. I’m surprised Sunak threw his hat in the battle, considering how much his wife must have to pay in taxes that they dodged for years. For the rest, it’s just about having a piece of the pie that comes with becoming the PM. Also, this would become the easiest way to become the Prime Minister. There are no general elections to fight or need to address the public.

However, if you look at the candidate list, apart from a few known names, the rest are billy nobodies. If we look at the reserve bench for the Tory party, it still consisted of many heavyweights. Take the examples of JRM, Michael Gove, Priti Patel, Dominic Raab, and IDS. Why did they not join the leadership race? None of them indeed have any pleasant personality than a slimy slug, but the blind zeal with which the Tory voters stand behind them makes one wonder whether they are dreaming or are people really that badly brainwashed. In my opinion, the Tory leadership comes across as a poison chalice. On the one hand, it’s indeed easiest to become the PM, but on the other hand, it’s a post to lose the election and credibility. It is unlikely that the patched-up Tory leadership will continue for another two and half years until the next general election. Whoever comes in power will have to uplift the party’s image and win that general election. The present candidate list does not have anyone fit for that job. And the reserve bench knows that it’s not the right time yet, so they wait like vultures.

Here’s a brief snapshot of the Tory candidate list as on 16.07.22:

  • Liz Truss – Dresses up like Thatcher then says she joined the Tory party because she felt the education system was let down by…yes, you couldn’t have guessed it, the wicked witch of Grantham. Oh, and Truss also said drones are scared of ‘woofs’. So here you go, our own covfefe moment.
  • Kemi Badenoch – Some with ‘bad’ in her name could hardly be good leader material. Add ‘Enoch’ to the mix, and you got another vile careerist who already stirred shit about the online harms bill. Also, a sympathiser for the good old empire and its positive effects.
  • Rishi Sunak – Is worth £750m, sans his wife’s estate. Plans to reshuffle the economy from its shit state, caused by Rishi Sunak Esq. himself. He probably has the least to gain, but knowing all other greedy Tory bastards, they don’t even let go poison if it comes free with a package. Should have taken the wise advice and had four days family holiday at Centre Parcs. By the way, he has hundreds of working-class friends; we can’t see them probably because he’s standing on them.
  • Penny Mordaunt – I honestly didn’t think she existed. The name seemed like an urban myth; you’ve heard about them but never knew if they were for real, like Keyser Söze. Mordaunt started her campaign video featuring Oscar Pistorius. Unlike other Tory leaders who like to suck the lifeblood out of the working class people through systematic oppression, she’s probably hinting at a quicker method using shotguns.
  • Thomas Tugendhat – Hardly a name the opponents would like to repeat over and over again. Personally, I couldn’t decide whether it sounded like two-pence-hat or two-pence-cat. Referring to Dumbledore in his speech, I already hate him less than other Tory MPs (yes, they are all loathsome, but this one is slightly less). Quite an outsider, and the only person to openly admit Johnson was an arsehole, I think he could be a leader the Conservatives shouldn’t have.

At the beginning of this blog, I suggested that whilst this farce is enjoyable as prime-time comedy, it is deeply worrying at the same time. While any Tory leaders have no credibility, and for any of them to be effective in the PM role, they would need to set the bar really low, candidates with no governmental or ministerial experience will clearly not be a natural choice for the British Prime Minister. They will surely become a finger puppet for the other heavyweights who choose to stay behind the curtains yet manipulate the party leader to meet their means. Following the Brexit fiasco and the clown Boris Johnson becoming a laughing stock worldwide, the UK needed a more charismatic leader — although you can’t expect such a leader from the Conservative party.

One last point worth mentioning in this context is the impact of the PM on the lives and general well-being of the British public. Although we discussed how none of the candidates is suitable for the role and how they are possibly becoming a scapegoat paving the path for other heavyweight bloodsuckers from the Conservative party, the real benefit would be reaped by the people who remain in the shadows — the donors to the Tory party funds, tax-dodger mates of the candidates, corporations that directly or anonymously finance the campaigns and conventions of the Conservative party. Politicians are merely the pawns in the worldwide web of corruption and exploitation. It will take ages to unmask the real enemy, and gangrene has spread throughout our society. It’s not that the corruption would have stopped if Labour was in power, but every single Conservative MP is brainwashed from the beginning of their political career to sustain the social divide. The only reason why they still manage to be in power is because the British public also believes in the necessity to maintain such a class divide. What else can describe the mass hypnotism about non-political figureheads, aka the royal family? So, while carry on being exploited, robbed, and murdered, we’ll still keep the same waste-of-space people in power. Whether it’s Sunak, Truss, Mordaunt, Badenoch or Tugendhat — it won’t make a sodding difference. The public will flock to vote them in power, just like the insects dive into the fire, to bring about their self-destruction.

So, who do I like to see as the next PM? There’s only one choice. It’s…

Larry The 10 Downing Street Cat Source: BBC

Larry the No. 10 Cat. He’s a cat, and he acts like one. That immediately puts him ahead of any other Tory candidate who pretends to represent the public but only serves their own interests. No matter who replaces Johnson, to quote another great character from Harry Potter series, it will be another one from the ‘babbling, bumbling, band of baboons’.

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